This week’s topic: Fitness
::snorts:: Yeah, okay, about that. I hate exercise. I mean I seriously hate it. You know that whole spiel about exercise releasing endorphins and those make people happy? I’m the exception. After working out, I don’t feel good. I feel terrible. I feel hot and sweaty and gross and cranky. I have yet to find an activity that I can do that doesn’t cost boatloads of money that is considered fitness. I tried to do the whole running thing….nope. My issue with running is that I’m tired very easily. I know, I have to work up to it, do the couch to 5k challenge where you build your stamina. I get that, but unless I do it every day, I lose drive. If I go every day, I can continue going, but the day I allow myself a break, I just can’t make myself go back, which implies that I don’t really like it. The problem with doing it every day, besides the fact that it’s highly unrecommended, is that I get shin splints from the overexertion. I’m thinking of trying again at a gym, setting the time up a treadmill and going three times a week, but the idea with dreadfully depressing.
I went to the gym once with my husband when he first got a membership and I found it to be the most boring half hour of my life. Seriously, even listening to an audiobook, I was ready to pull my eyes out with boredom. I feel like I have so much I need to do and I can spend the hour or whatever cleaning or reading or working on my blog or anything more helpful than that.
I know logically that I being healthy is important, but that always spurs the question of if it’s about getting fit or is it about trying to mold myself into the Hollywood definition of pretty? I’m not obese by any means, but I’m a good 20 pounds over what doctor’s say my target weight range is. But is that really a “healthy” weight? What is a healthy weight? I may hate exercise, but I do walk to work every week day, which adds up to 2 miles a day (it’s half a mile to work and I walk to work, home for lunch, back to work, and then home at the end of the day), so I am healthy enough.
The topic of fitness just brings out my inner war. I want to be smaller, but I also want to learn to love myself the way I am. My husband seems to think I’m the prettiest person on the planet as is, so I want to learn to see through his eyes, but it’s a hard task for some as self-deprecating as me. I was one of those infuriating people in high school was ate constantly and never gained weight and it’s biting me in the ass now. I have since gotten a desk job and let me tell you, that really sucks the energy out of you. You’d think after sitting at a desk all day you’d be desperate to get on your feet, but it’s not the case. After you get used to it, you just want to go home and sit some more. It puts you in a cycle that’s hard to break. I took the first steps to breaking it in March, when I moved closer to work and started walking, but I know it’s not nearly enough.
I really want to start taking classes for health, something I might enjoy like karate (or some other form of martial arts) or fencing or yoga or anything really, but all the options here are either way more than I can justify paying or the classes meet each week while I’m at work. Or there are the awful ones that meet each week at an absurdly early hour which I cannot handle. I get between 7 and 7:30 on most days (even weekends), but I can’t make myself get up any earlier than that.
That was really convoluted, but what I’m saying is that I’m working on it. I’m working on both the ability to accept my body as is as well as trying to make myself be more active. What about you? Are you fit? Are you unfit and proud? Let me know in the comments!