This week’s topic: School
School is a touchy subject for me right now. In high school, I was that girl who was always in the AP/Honors classes, making the honor role, graduating 7th in my class, all that non-sense. During my senior year, though, I realized that I had no way to pay for college. I wasn’t Valedictorian and though my SAT scores were above average, they were stellar. My parents didn’t have a savings fund for me and academy scholarships only pay for a small portion of tuition…which is still an issue that pisses me off. You give someone with a barely passing grade a full-ride just because they can toss around a ball? ANYWAY. I also realized that I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with me life and though I wanted to ride off into the sunset for college, I didn’t want to mortgage my future to study something I wasn’t necessarily going to use. What good is a degree in psychology if I have no intention of using it to help people?
Another sappier reason (one I don’t think I’ve ever admitted) is I didn’t want to leave Russell. I wanted to stay in North or South Carolina, but I wanted somewhere a good distance away, so there would have been several hours of travel time between us. I know long-distance relationships don’t usually work and I didn’t really want to risk it. I loved Russell too much to leave, even then. I don’t regret it or blame him for not going to college because I don’t think I would have went even if he hadn’t been a factor, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t play a small role.
I went the get a job and move out role immediately after high school. This past year or so, I started going back to school to earn a business degree because I have finally realized my dream, which is owning my own independent bookstore. I want a store that’s the size of a Barnes & Noble or Books-A-Million, but that specializes in certain areas. My biggest issue with trying to buy books in stores over online is actually finding the book I’m searching for. I have been meaning to buy Victoria Scott’s Dante Walker series forever, but I just can’t find it in stores and I don’t want to buy it online. So, that’s what I want. I want to open a store that specializes in YA, NA, Romance, Fantasy, Scifi, and stuff like that. Maybe just fiction in general, with expanded sections for each subgenre. But, the more I learn about business, the less confidence I have that I could do it. It’s not just because of the money issue, though that is a big problem because keeping the business afloat while I wait for profitability would cost more than I make in a year, but also because I’m not sure I’m business-minded. I think I could handle the financial side, doing the bookkeeping and helping customers, but I just don’t know if I could make it work. Maybe I’m just scared, but I just can’t envision it really happening. Not to mention, how could I convince anyone to loan me money to start a new indie bookstore when so many are failing? I don’t think anyone would want to risk their money on such an investment, regardless of my enthusiasm for the project.
All that was my long-winded way of saying that I’m taking a break from school right now. I mean, yes, it is summer, so of course I’m out of school, but I mean I don’t plan on going back next semester. A combination of, once again, not knowing what to study and the fact that I failed Expository Writing has took the wind from my sails. I had no drive to do well in school last semester. I don’t even know what my final grade was in my accounting class was because I never looked. I know I passed, but I don’t know if it was with a B or a C. Before I failed English, all my college transcript had was A’s. So I feel like a bit of a failure and I don’t want to go back right now.
That’s my take on school at the moment. What’s yours? Let me know in the comments!